*not having anything to blog about
*being busy with various things
*self doubt (I'm still not convinced that anyone reads this, or my family history blog)
So what has happened in my life since April 2015 (wow that really is a long time).
Well....
Firstly I returned to temporary work. Now this have caused a large mixture of emotions. I was very lucky last year that I was in an ongoing job which took me all the way through the summer and up to Christmas. Great, money every week, not having to worry about promoting myself etc. However, it meant that I had to put a lot of things on hold. I haven't done any self employed work (well apart from my friend's bookkeeping) since July 2015. Six months is a long time to not be thinking about yourself and your own business when you are self employed. This has left me in a bit of a pickle. Although I'm still temping and still being offered work it's not what I want to do. I still don't feel that I've had that break. I'm still not getting any enquiries and am unable to establish those networks that create the work. So here's my dilemma.... .do I continue as a freelancer or do I decide that I tried, it didn't really work out.... Move on..... And that then poses the next question. What do I move on to? This is where I have started questioning myself. Am I creative enough to come up with a niche, a catch, something that people will talk about, that "wow" thing that defines you and your business.
Well here is my honest answer and I'm sure many people will probably say I'm being stupid and try to make me feel better but I feel that I need to get it out of my system.......
I'M NOT CREATIVE
I don't think I ever have been or ever was. I don't think it's a case of losing my mojo. I just don't think I had it to start with. Yes I know how can I be a musician if I'm not creative. Well I see it like this. There are 3 main skills when it comes to music
1. Playing/performing
2. Composition/improvisation
3. Listening/appreciation
So I've been able to read music since I was 4 and I've been playing instruments and singing since then. However, I don't feel that is creative. It's following a set of instructions. That's all music scores are. They are instructions that tell the performer what notes to play in what order and what style and rhythm at any time. So I don't feel that's creative. Yes having an understanding of dynamics and expressions makes a piece sound better but again this are more often than not instructed by the composer. I just do what I'm told to do.
This brings me onto listening and appreciation. Most people listen to music in some sense. They have an appreciation from the music they listen to. Whether they understand the musical terminology doesn't mean that they can't appreciate it. Music stirs up emotions and that links into the appreciation of it. However, it's still not particularly a creative process.
So we then have the creative part. Composing and improvisation. TWo things I've always been poor at. I'm not a composer. All my compositions sound the same. There''s nothing remotely special about them and they certainly wouldn't be best sellers. I just can't do it. I know the techniques and I understand keys, and chords, and modulations etc but I just don't have that spark, that inspiration to create something great. Because of this I've never pursued it.
Now it's well known that I have lots of crafty type hobbies, I used to scrapbook, I used to make cards, I do a bit of cross stitch and knitting. However again I don't find that these are particularly creative as again it's following instructions.
So the only thing left that I do is write. I love writing. I love that you can just put pen to paper and write down anything that comes into your head. However, is this creative. Take this blog for example, I'm currently doing just that. I am writing down my thoughts (or typing in this case). I'm writing it in thinking someone might read it but I don't think that it's that interesting...... So is this going to become my creative muse. How do you make a blog readable? What topics do you blog about? What topics would a reader like to read about. And this is where I start my new beginning. I'm going to write about me. None of these inspirational journal prompts that are actually quite pretentious and get you re-evaluating your life until you realise that your childhood wasn't that amazing and that you're actually just an average human being. None of these 365 made up quotes that don't make you feel anything because actually you can't connect to them in any way. I'm am going to go right back to basics and write about my life and my thoughts.
So this is the start of me trying to find my creativity in whatever it is I end up doing. This is where I show people how dull life actually is. This is where people will learn to understand what I do and what I'm passionate about. No more hiding in case I offend people. No more worrying about what others thing. This is it. Warts and all. It's going to be random and it's going to be a rocky ride but hopefully someone might join me in sharing it.
And you never know
I might find y creativity along the way
